Frank woke up early that morning and smiled to himself. It was a sunny day, there was music festival in town and he was  going to see all his friends. Most importantly of all, he was going to see Gerard. Of course, the other guys would be there too, Ray, Bob and Frank’s best friend, Mikey (who was actually Gerard’s younger brother), but it was just so much better knowing that Gerard was going to be there. This was why Frankie was up so much earlier than usual today, he wanted to make sure that he was ready in time, so that he looked good, and so that he wouldn’t be late. He spent so much time on deciding what to wear, trying on several outfits, and finally deciding that everything was going to get filthy anyway, so there really wasn’t much point in making TOO much of an effort. However, he DID wear his Misfits shirt, as it always gave him something to talk to Gerard about. He spent even longer on his hair, and even toyed with the idea of a hat, but eventually got it to lie right, only to have it blown out of place by the wind the second he walked out of the door. As he got closer and closer to Gerard and Mikey’s house, the butterflies started in his stomach. Of course, Gerard would never see him in THAT way, (although he knew that Frankie was gay) but Frank still loved the moments where Gerard would pull him close for a hug, or call him one of is special pet names. Checking his hair in the door, he was surprised when Mikey opened it, grinning at him
“Aww, trying to look all special for me Frankie,” he grinned
“You wish,” Frank replied, smirking. “Err, Gerard around by any chance?”
Mikey laughed. He didn’t quite know just HOW strongly Frank’s feeling’s for his brother were, but he had seen Frank’s eye’s light up every time his name was mentioned, and he had a pretty good idea.
“Yeah, he’ll be really in a minute. To be honest, I think he’s getting ready to see you”
Frankie tried hard not to smile at that comment.
“Bye mom, bye dad,” came a voice from inside the house. “I’ll try to make sure Mikey doesn’t get into TOO much trouble!”
Gerard came out of the house and was instantly greeted by a thump on the arm by his brother. “OW! Was that really necessary?”
“Yes,” came the reply.
“Hey Frankie, nice shirt” Gerard smiled.
Frank smiled back shyly and tried not to blush. He really had to stop doing this.
“Oh, I invited Bert along with us, he’s going to meet us there. That’s cool, right?”
Frank’s heart sunk. He had nothing against the kid, and he was sure that Gerard didn’t mean to do it, but every time Bert was around, Frankie may as well be invisible to Gerard.
They walked up to meet the rest of their friends in silence. Frank could see that Mikey was concerned about him, but every time that he tried to mouth or signal something to him, Frank pretended not to see. He
As they approached the car park with the makeshift stage at the other side of town, Gerard started waving frantically. Frankie sighed and  prepared himself to pretend not to care.
Gerard then ran up to Bert and enveloped him in a hug. Frankie stared on, more than just a little jealous. He greeted Bob and Ray as usual, and they went over to get their places in line./Frank could hear Gerard talking to Bert, sharing the same jokes with him that they had been sharing themselves just the other day.
Mikey appeared and muttered to him “Don’t worry, it’s just because he hasn’t seen him for so long. Don’t be too hard on yourself, it’s not your fault.”
As much as he tried, Frankie couldn’t enjoy the festival. Most of the bands were really good, and Mikey tried to make him feel better by mimicking Gerard whenever he was talking to Bert, but Frankie just couldn’t get over the feeling that he was being used, or that Gerard was getting sick of being with him, and that he should maybe just leave.  It was then his phone began to ring.
“Hey is Mikey there, it’s Donna, his mom,”
“Err…sure Mrs Way, I’ll just get him for you,”
Frank watched worriedly as he saw his best friend’s face fall.
“Okay, mom, see you in five…” he muttered
“What’s up?”
“There was a call from school, apparently I’m ‘just not putting the effort in’ and I‘m not too far away from suspension…which means I’m grounded for the foreseeable future”
“You’re joking…” Frank was shocked . Sure, Mikey spent most of his time in class drawing and didn’t REALLY listen to what the teacher was saying, but he had no idea that it had gone this far.
“Mom’s coming to pick me up in a minute, which mean’s that you’ll be walking home by yourself with Gerard…Sorry dude…”
Normally, Frank would have been delighted with this opportunity, yet somehow, he didn’t think that it would be a good experience today. Sure enough,  Mikey’s car appeared around the corner, and as  he got in Frankie mumbled to him “I’ll miss you dude.”
Gerard spoke to his mom and dad and tried to persuade them otherwise, but they stayed firm, Mikey would not be leaving his room for the next month apart from meals and school.
The rest of the day passed in a blur. He tried to listen to what everyone was saying, but more than once he was asked if he was alright, and responded with a quiet “Yeah…..” Bert and Gerard just stayed in the corner, with Gerard agreeing every time Bert said something, and following him every time he went  anywhere, whether it was to get a drink, or even to the bathroom.
One by one, the guys left on the walk home, and eventually it was just him and Gerard. Gerard struggled to make conversation, but Frank really wasn’t in the mood at the moment, he could feel all the emotions building up in his chest and just really wanted to be alone. Finally they got to Gerard’s house, and exchanged a quick hug and a final concerned look from Gerard as they parted ways.
All of a sudden, Frank remembered something.
“Gerard!” he yelled.
Gerard turned round, and Frank thought he saw a look of relief look across his face.
“…say…say hi to Mikey for me ,” he mumbled.
“Bye Frank,” shouted Gerard. “….love you!”
Frank shook his head and smiled. “No you don’t,” he muttered, under his breath. “Not enough, anyway”

*******

He walked down the grassy path to his house, feeling the sadness in his chest, but somehow unable to let it out. He decided to take to long route, somehow not feeling able to face up to his parents just yet.  He wandered along, wondered why he still liked the guy, loved him even. He saw a bench and sat down on it, trying to figure his life out. He was pretty sure no one else was around, so it wouldn’t matter if he cried, and cried and cried, as long as he could clean himself up before he got home, no one would ever know. Yet, even though he could feel the sadness, he just couldn’t seem to let it out. Thinking about it, that was the only thing that he could seem to feel. He remembered something that Mikey had said the other day, something that he had found hilarious at the time, yet he couldn’t seem to laugh, or smile even. He heard voices around the corner, and wondered who it could be; no one ever came in here. A group of  guys from his school came round the corner, all of them dressed in caps and tracksuits.  He immediately tried to hide his face, but it was too late, they had already recognised him.
“Hey guys, it’s the little faggot from school!”
Frank had already learned to avoid everyone at school, they all knew him as “the faggot”, yet here, there was no where he could hide and there was no one around for miles. He wasn’t surprised when there was no fear as they got closer, and closer….

An hour later, he stumbled into his house, praying that none of his family were around.
“Frank? That you?”  his mom shouted from the kitchen.
“Yeah,” he replied through his swollen mouth.
“You coming, your dinner’s on the table.”
Shit..
“Err, actually I’m feeling a bit ill, I’ll just be in my room”
“Ok, let me know if you need anything.”
This was the one time Frank was thankful that his family didn’t take too much interest in him
That was when he lay down on his bed and cried, and cried, and cried…


*******

There was a ring at the doorbell and Mrs Iero went to answer it. She was surprised to see a teenage boy with long black hair stood there, dressed much in the same way that Frank usually was.
“Err, hey…Mrs Iero, I‘m Gerard Way….is Frankie-I mean-Frank in please?”
“He’s in his room, he’s been there since last night, I don‘t think he‘s feeling too well.”
“Oh, okay, I’ll come back later then.”
“However, I’m sure some company will do him good,” she smiled.
Gerard made his way down to Frank’s room and knocked nervously.
“Mom, I’ve told you before, I’m not hungry, just let me sleep,”
“Err, actually it’s me Frank…I just wanted to make sure-”
Gerard looked round the bedroom door, and was shocked by what he saw.
“FRANK! WHAT THE FUCK-?”
“Shut up Gerard!” Frank whispered loudly. “Mom doesn’t know, and I’m not planning on telling her.”
Gerard walked over to the bed and sat down. He reached under the covers and pulled out an empty  bottle of wine.
“Where the hell did you get this?”
“Puh-lease, mom and dad have got so many they won’t notice one missing. I’ve got a fucker of a headache though”
“Frank, why…what…who? I’ll break their fucking necks!”
Frank almost laughed out loud at that remark.
“Tell me Frank!”
“Oh, like you care.”
“What?!! How can you say something like that?! I care more than you’ll EVER know!”
“Please, I bet if this was Bert, you’d be all over him by now.”
Gerard reached over  and took Frank’s head in his hands.
“If it was Bert, I wouldn’t do this”
He pulled Frank’s face towards his and pressed their lips together.
Frank ignored the pain for as long as he could, before he had to eventually pull away.
“Ow...ow…ow,” he muttered, but still smiling, turned again to face Gerard.
“But yesterday…with Bert…”
“That is the last fucking time I listen to that guy ever again” he grinned. “I told him that I liked you, and he said that I should ‘try to make you jealous’. I figured that it couldn’t do any harm…stupidest thing I’ve ever done as a matter of fact. Then Mikey told me how you really felt, and how much this whole Bert thing was fucking you up. Jesus Christ, you have no idea how guilty I felt, so I figured I had to come round and apologise, and then….well you know the rest. Now, about this face of your that used to be so fucking pretty…”
Frank sighed and began to tell Gerard what happened.
“Yesterday, after you left I felt really low so I decided to mope around a bit, take the long way home, y’know? Sat on a bench, and fricking Jamie Reed comes round the corner with all his huge-ass mates. Little faggot, sat on a bench, and a bunch of bored jocks. Story kinda writes itself doesn’t it?”
Frank could see  Gerard grinding his teeth together, trying to keep his temper.
“And the wine….?”
“Well, see yesterday like I said, I felt really low, and then I couldn’t actually cry, and I couldn’t actually feel properly sad, and then I couldn’t feel happy and then when those guys were beating the shit out of me I couldn’t even feel scared. I just wanted to feel something….”
“Drunk isn’t an emotion Frankie,” Gerard smirked.
“Nope….but love is….”
He smiled and pulled Gerard closer for another painful, yet still somehow perfect, kiss.